I have not written my 2023 in review. We are already 6 months into 2024, and you know what, life is tough.

Compared to 1year ago, I’m in a much better place. I feel at home. I have friends I feel safe with & make travel plans with. J is calm & mature. I have my favorite spots, I know how to burn my weekends, hague footie is big & stable now, EDM doesn’t sound absurd anymore. Heck, I have favourite dutch rappers. These were the things I wished for 1 year ago, I have them now.

But god, I’ve been dealt with an entirely different set of cards this year. Would I make it out this one? I really don’t know. Is this a cry for help? Is this a motivational letter? I don’t know. Nothing I’m trying is working. Last year the cards I was dealt with were mostly within my control. This year however, 95% of my problems are not within my control.

A mutual made a tweet about how “sometimes you have no choice but to wait for a miracle”. I retweeted it, not because I believe in miracles, but the tweet greatly described my condition. As it stands now, i’m just hoping I get lucky. If you know me, you know I don’t leave my life to chance. (I’m the most distrusting person ever)

Amidst all the chaos however, one thing that really stands out to me this year about myself is how i’m keeping a cool head through all this. Once in a while, I panic. I’m randomly wake up from my sleep scared. But for the most part, I’m just keeping a cool head and pushing the boundaries. I’m not depressed, idk if I’m stronger now because I managed to survive last year. It’s almost like my hindsight is keeping me grounded. OR maybe, I’m just good at compartmentalization.

Either way, I find my life is really interesting. From the outside, it looks like i’m on some trajectory. I’m from the trenches, so being able walk on the streets of europe with my dreads and handsome face is definitely a big thing. But from behind the wheels, as the person living the life, I can confidently tell you I’m always solving some problem. I really need a break from all of this. And no, I’m not suicidal. I haven’t dated a Russian girl yet, so I definitely don’t plan on killing myself anytime soon.

Earlier this year, life gave me short break. I had just moved into my current studio which I love. I had decent money in the bank. The family was doing good. I was getting about 8hrs of sleep everyday. Life was good. Then one day, I actually deeped that my life was actually stable. Once I made that realization, I immediately switched into panic mode. I knew it wasn’t going to last. You know how traumatic your life has to be for you to not to be able to enjoy some peace? Where am I going with this? Well, 2 weeks after I deeped this ‘stability’, my sister called me at 4am to tell me that my father had died. Ei? 😂

My interpretation of life is simple. The universe deals you problems, you solve them. The thing we call life, is the resultant of this constant tug. Which is why ruthlessly prioritizing your problems and crossing the bridge when you get there is a good strategy to operate by.

This post is mainly for future me, but it’s also for any young person out there. I’m sorry, but the problems aren’t going anywhere. And if you’re not solving them, you’re not living. So keep a cool head and scheme steadily. When it’s out of your control, leave it to chance.

Like the saying goes, barima bɛyɛɛ bi, wambɛ yɛ ne nyinaa.